He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
