Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
