I puked a lego.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
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