Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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