i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
