Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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