fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize