I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
