Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
