omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
