STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize