So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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