The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
