When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
