I molested 6 butterflies tonight
it's like heaven, but drunker
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize