if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
