is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
