Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
