my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
