brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize