lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
this just has baby written all over it
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
