She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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