I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize