Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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