I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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