babies were throwing up all over the place
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
