My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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