Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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