Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
