Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
