We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
