she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
