i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
