be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
