Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
