Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
