I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
