But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
