wat bout pragnant strippers??
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
