I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
