Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
