You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
