theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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