This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
