mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize