Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You are the jesus of drinking
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
