that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
