I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize