did you get engaged???
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize