Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize