Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
