I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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