nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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