I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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