My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
