he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
