just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
