Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
