Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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