With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
