it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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