Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
