Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
