Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
