Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
