Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I deserve this hangover.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
