Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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