strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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