he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
