i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
