nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
