Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
