please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i think i have two assholes
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
