I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
