who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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