god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
