I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize