we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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