one two three fourrrrnication!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
