i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Randomize
