I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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