Kareoke will never be a sober sport
do herpes really smell.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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