Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
