Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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