He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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