Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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