mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Someone signed my nipple.
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