So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
