i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
nutella sex= disaster
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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