My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
