the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
