my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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