Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
