Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
