It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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