i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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