Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
