I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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