i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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