he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
